Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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