I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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