Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
