we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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