we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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