She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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