I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
