At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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