Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
