I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Randomize
