genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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