somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
