do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
