It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
