saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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