she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
