it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have post one night stand depression
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