oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
