so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
