I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
