this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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