Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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