i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
