I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
