I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
