I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we're making bets on your personal life
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
