I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
