The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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