New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
