I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
