god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
