We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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