so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
