covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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