when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why do cheetos always look like penises
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
