My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
