Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
this hospital has no fireball
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
