I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
