Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
