how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
