There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
