Fine. I'll sleep in my office
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
