if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
