I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
