It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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