I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
