Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
