my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
