i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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