Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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