Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
