We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
