I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize