i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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