Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
