There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
