no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
