i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
