Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
