if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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