why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
