youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Banned from zoo.
Again?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
