you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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