I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
