I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
