There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
