So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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