Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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