Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
