It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize