oh god the rape fog is back!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
